1:34 AM

still awake...(obviously, because i only believe in sleep-walking and not in sleep-writing) ;p
my brain is just starting to insinuate sleep-hormones to my body right at this moment.so i cant sleep yet.
i remember all the works, papers, requirements, and meetings i have to settle, if possible, tomorrow.because ill be graduating and;
my eyes are bulging.my nose is bleeding.my ears are becoming numb.my braincells are dying.
this blog is actually nothing, i am just writing anything that comes in my head tonight, i mean this dawn.
so many realizations are banging my head.
i realized something just this morning, that because i got lots of clothes in my closet, i have been wasting most of my hours in the morning--------hours of my life----- just trying to decide what to wear.
i wonder, what is with wearing fashion clothes? does it helps us to become a better one if we do so? will it give us satisfaction? will it give us true happiness? will it give us real life? will it love us in return?
i've been and still with and into these material things,and i have received all of nothing.
and this is me every 1:34 AM.

i was expelled out...

Legendary basketball coach John Wooden (1988), in his book They Call Me Coach, once said, “Things turn out the best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.” From the outset of my college life, I have been challenged to make the best of every situation and surpass the limitations set before me.
I received a full scholarship from Ateneo de Naga University under the Consuelo “Chito” Madrigal Foundation (Bicol). For the first time, in that “brainy-position”, I stepped into a genius role in where I have to believe and make others believe that I am really an intelligent student. It was a struggle because I really am was not fond of getting into a serious study habits. Although I do not remember the very detail of this struggle, the same grit and determination exist within me to this day. I never want to admit defeat and I always want to go further than the expectations/limitations others or myself have set before me.

March 23, 2007

such an asshole meeting!

sa di inaasahang pagkakataon.

nakita na naman kita.

bakit laging ganito?

sa tuwing gusto ko nang lumimot,

ayan ka na naman.

di mo ba ako patatahimikin?

at padadalhan mo pa ako ng mensahe ng muli nating pagkikitang-landas.

: "Sa pagitan ng kawalan at bukas na palad, ang manipis na ideya ng anyo.

ang sinasalat na salat.

ang tagpo ng pagtatagpo.

Sapagkat hinihingi ng musika ang paglalapit ng layo."

yan ang sabi mo.

kung ganun pala.

bakit pilit kang lumalayo?

ngunit kung ako na ang lalayo din,

hayop! at nanjan kananaman!

pwede ba?

magkalimutan na tayo?!

March 14, 2007

ini para sa katextmate ko na nalingawan na ako.

pagnahihiling ko ika,
aram mo daw na gusto taka baragtakan!!??
gari ka daw halas!
madalion mag ribay!
iu mau manangad kita.

pero ugwa gaud kita nin maapod na PAG-IBAHAN.
anu bako?
anu mau?

gari ka kasta!

dai kana kuta nag gibo nin panuga kaidto!

ini naglalaom pa ako.
nahahadet ako sa satuya.
lalo na sa imo.
baka kya mawara na si sakuyang namamati.

paanu ka na?

mau na kaya nin mapadangat sa imo
nin pareho kan gibo ko.

Feb.28,2007

nawawara na kalag.

yaon ako digdi ngunyan tigdara kan sakong bitis sa cafe digdi sa my barlin.
maduman kuta ako sa cathedral, kaya lang relihiyoso kaya ako na marai dae ko aram sarado palan.
kaya naisipan ko mag pa San Francisco, kala ko bukas, tanga kaya talaga ako, sarado man syempre.
mau lang. gusto ko lang kaya mag laog sa sarong simbahan.
naglaog kaya ako sa Ateneo chapel, kaya lang ugwang duwang kalag na dai ko aram kun nagaano. pero sigurado ako dai sinda nagpapamibi.
kaya sabi ko maduman man daw ako sa ibang simbahan. marai sana ta dai ako nagpa Basilica. sigurado ako sarado man gayud toh nhunyan anu?
haai..napapahibi kaya ako.
mayu man makakaintindi sako kundi siya lang man kaya sya ang gusto ko dumanan.

tanu ako napapahibi?
nag topic naman kaya si PAGPADANGAT kaya ini gari nanaman ako tigkakaralentura, nagigirumduman ko naman kaya si pagpadangat na napaduman lang sa kadekluman.
pareho kadiklom kan banggi ngunyan.
nagirumduman ko naman kaya si sarong tawo na nahiling ko palang subago na kaiba si sa iyang ba-gong padaba.
makulugon.

naiisip ko lang,
naiisip nya pa man daw ako?
o maski si samung pag ibanan?
o maski si samung mga ulay?
o maski si mga bagay na mapagirumdum sa iya na ako oni pa.
na ako oni man giraray naghahalat.

may nabasa ako na libro. pareho kami kan sitwasyon kan karakter duman.
ang apod nya sa sadiri nya ETERNAL LOVER kaidtong babae na padangaton nya.
ta maski nag gurang na sinda,
maski kadakol na syang nakilala.
oto man giraray sya naghahalat sa babae na ito.
hanggan sa nagadan si agom kan babae,
kaya nagka ogwa syang pag-asa na magiging sinda man giraray sa hure.
determinado talaga sya.
kaya nakua nya man giraray si padangat nya.
sinda man giraray ang sabay na nag gurang, asin sabay na nagadan.

ang mibi ko man, na kung bako pa kami ngunyan.
sana kami man giraray sa hure.
sabay mag gurang asin sabay magadan.

kaogmahan iyan kan sakong puso.

Feb. 27, 2007

an banggi ko man.

gusto ko lang mag simbag

maski dae man ako hinahapot.

maski dae man tighahagad si sakuyang opinion.

nawawara man kaya an kabanga kan sakong puso.

yaon sain?

yaon sana po sa imo.

dae ko aram kun matubod ka,

pero garu risa man anu?!

dai ko daw maisip kun tanu nag arog ako ka ini sa imo.

mau ka man kun tutuuson.

si say ka man?

mau!!!

dakulang mau!!

kaya minamawot ko na ika na mau sana,

mawara manangad sa sakuyang pagmati,

asin maging mau ka na kuta.

napapagal na man ako.

Feb. 22, 2007

to YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

i just wanna let you know of my heroic deed.

i know its quite pride-uplifting to let someone know about your "what-about", but the hell i care!

you know what i have done?

ive done this heroic deed of letting you fall into somelese care and love, when infact i could have given you more.(even though ive got no assurance of something any in return)

but you know what?

God alone knows how much this heroic (ironically, i am not a hero, i even cant have you!i even cant twist the time or twist your feeling to be mine!) resolve cost me, and how many bitter tears i have to shed behind the fire exit door of our dormitory to surivive my private catastrophe.

and still, i have been thinking of the promises that never have been did, and for the sweet memories that i know will not or might not happen again.

i hope you know, i cant drink vodca and dance in reggae with those memories alone...